Can you get pregnant from ... oh, just read it!

So I visited an urgent care facility this afternoon. I had to go because I'm a fool and have not learned to navigate the provider network of my new insurance. Thus, no primary care physician. And damn it, I got a sore throat.

I got there at about 4:45 and the place was empty. The only patients were a couple of peeps whom the staff knew by name. I was pretty confident I'd get in and out quickly with either a lolli or a prescription. I was fine with both. I needed to go into the weekend knowing if I was dealing with something serious. Say, tonsillitis.

So I'm sitting in the room, which the NP posted a "DR. WEISENBERG: NEXT!" sign on. Cute, I thought, a little road map for the doc. I fielded a couple of texts from a friend in need of SF hotel advice.

Coupla minutes pass and the doc comes in, checks out the EN&T situation. He says it looks like I'm fine, just a minor case of "under the weather."

"But, we'll give you a throat culture for strep just in case."

Ok, I'm cool with that. I've had them before.

Turns out the strep test has gone the way of the pregnancy test. Bear with me now.

The doc in the hallway: "Erika! I hear you -- what's the word now -- volunteered to give a culture in room 2D." (That's not really something I wanted to hear, but oh well.)

The nurse comes dragging ass in, rolling the blood pressure machine in with her. "Feeling sick?"

The rubber gloves come on. "This is going to be really uncomfortable and it's going to feel like you're going to throw up. But try not to."

"OK."

Afterward, she pulls out a little plastic white stick, sticks the throat swab in it and sets it on the counter. "Now we have to wait five minutes. I'll be right back."

Shuts the door.

What the hell is that little thing on the desk? Is that an EPT? I see a single blue line start to appear in the "window." Wow, that's a far cry from when they took the "results" away from the patient and then called you at home or made you wait a few hours in the lab. WTF?

While I was sitting there I saw a printout tacked to the wall reading "Medication shapes and colors." There was a spearmint tic tac, a blue eraser and a white original iPod shuffle.

Coulda done without seeing that.

Then I read the flu shot poster: "Don't forget to ask for your orange lollipop after your flu shot -- while supplies last!"

While supplies last?

At this point, I was not feeling so ready to see the results of my pregnancy test.

Doc walks in, looks down at the plastic stick. "No strep!" he beams.

I had told him earlier I was taking ibuprofen for the pain.

"Now, about that ibuprofen," he says, his eyes level with mine. "Need anything stronger?"

It was like I was back at Chico State, in the student health center, where vicodin flew off the shelves and all you had to say was, "I can't sleep, therefore, I can't study." (I never did that btw.)

"No, but thanks. Really, thank you."

Did I just say thank you to the doc for a prescription that I turned down? Yeah, I guess I did. Twice. And smarter people would say I was a fool.